Vatican Clears JD Vance in Pope Francis Death Probe, Democrats Demand Recount

A Vatican investigation into the sudden death of Pope Francis has officially cleared U.S. Vice President JD Vance of any wrongdoing, despite his visit to the pontiff mere hours before the 88-year-old’s passing.

The inquiry, prompted by widespread speculation and a flurry of social media accusations, concluded that the pope’s death resulted from a cerebral stroke and heart failure, not any actions by Vance.

The findings have sparked outrage among some Democratic leaders who insist the investigation overlooked critical evidence, such as Vance’s presence in Rome.

Vance met with Pope Francis at the Vatican’s Domus Santa Marta residence to exchange Easter greetings. The brief encounter, which included Vance receiving rosaries and chocolate Easter eggs for his children, took place shortly before the pope’s final public appearance blessing crowds in St. Peter’s Square.

“I was honored to meet His Holiness, and I prayed for him daily,” Vance said in a statement. “The suggestion that I had anything to do with his passing is absurd and disrespectful.”

The Vatican’s medical report detailed the pope’s long history of health issues, including chronic lung disease and recent hospitalizations. Despite this, online theories exploded, with some claiming Vance’s visit somehow hastened the pontiff’s demise.

“The timing is suspicious, and we can’t rule out foul play,” said Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. “The Vatican needs to release the full security footage of Vance’s visit, and Vance should be arrested and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.”

The investigation, led by Vatican health officials, found no evidence of external interference. Sources close to the probe noted that the pope’s frail condition was well-documented, and his death was consistent with natural causes.

“JD Vance didn’t kill the pope, but the conspiracy theories are killing common sense,” remarked conservative commentator Ann Coulter. “Maybe next they’ll blame him for the weather.”

Democrats have called for an independent review, with some suggesting the United Nations should oversee a new investigation. Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer emphasized the need for transparency.

“When a world leader dies hours after meeting a controversial figure, questions arise,” he said. “We’re not saying Vance did it, but we’re not not saying it either.”

The Vatican has dismissed calls for further probes, stating the matter is closed. Meanwhile, social media continues to buzz with memes depicting Vance as a grim reaper figure.

“The facts are clear, but some people prefer fiction,” Vance said in response to the ongoing speculation. “I’m focused on serving Americans, not chasing internet rumors.”

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