Harvard Student Discovers Cure for Racism, Gets Immediately Deported

A Harvard student has stunned the academic world by uncovering what he claims is the definitive cure for racism: disconnecting from all electronic devices and spending time outdoors in direct contact with grass.

The student, Juan Morales, a Venezuelan national, presented his findings in a hastily organized campus seminar, arguing that exposure to nature eliminates prejudiced thoughts. Morales, however, was deported to Venezuela within hours of his announcement, a move authorities attributed to his involvement in unrelated campus activities.

Morales, a sophomore majoring in sociology, outlined his theory in a 12-page paper distributed to classmates. He asserted that constant engagement with social media and digital devices amplifies divisive ideologies, while physical interaction with the environment fosters unity.

“The data is clear,” Morales said in his presentation. “Ten minutes of grass-touching reduces implicit bias by 87%.”

His research, though unverified by peer review, gained traction among students, with dozens reportedly sprawled across Harvard Yard in an impromptu “grass therapy” session.

The swift deportation of Morales came as a surprise to many on campus. Sources close to the university administration revealed that his leadership in pro-Palestinian protests, which have roiled Ivy League campuses in recent months, drew scrutiny from federal authorities.

These protests, while largely nonviolent, have sparked debates over free speech and antisemitism, particularly after Congress passed legislation strengthening penalties for actions deemed antisemitic. Morales’s outspoken criticism of Israeli policies, coupled with his refusal to publicly endorse Zionism, reportedly prompted Immigration and Customs Enforcement to act.

“This is a tragedy for academic freedom,” said sophomore Emily Chen, a participant in Morales’s grass-touching experiment. “Juan was onto something revolutionary, but they shipped him out before he could finish his PowerPoint.”

Chen noted that Morales’s deportation has sparked a new wave of campus activism, with students now demanding both his return and the installation of “therapeutic lawns” across Harvard’s grounds.

The decision to deport Morales has drawn polarized reactions. A spokesperson for ICE defended the move, stating, “Individuals who violate federal laws, including those related to campus conduct, face consequences.” The spokesperson declined to elaborate on whether Morales’s racism cure factored into the decision.

Meanwhile, conservative commentators have seized on the incident, arguing it exposes contradictions in progressive ideals. “He’s out here solving racism, and they deport him for not checking the right ideological boxes,” said talk radio host Dan Carver. “You can’t make this up.”

Morales’s supporters have launched a crowdfunding campaign to fund his legal defense, raising $15,000 in under 48 hours. The campaign’s organizers insist his deportation was a politically motivated overreach.

“Juan’s only crime was speaking truth to power,” said protest organizer Aisha Khan. “His cure could’ve united us all, but the system doesn’t want that.” Khan added that Morales is now in Caracas, where he reportedly continues his research in a local park.

Harvard’s administration has remained silent on the matter, issuing only a brief statement affirming its commitment to diversity and inclusion. Students, however, are undeterred, with some planning a “Touch Grass for Justice” rally to honor Morales’s work.

As the controversy unfolds, Morales’s paper has gone viral on social media, prompting a surge in memes about grass as a cure-all for societal ills. Whether his theory holds up under scrutiny remains uncertain, but for now, Harvard’s lawns are seeing more foot traffic than ever.

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